What am I doing here?

When I married my husband  I never entertained the thought that we wouldn’t live happily ever after.  We were in lurve and so happy, wanting to start a family and do all the stuff that young married couples dream of. We had a fairly average marriage, no ups or downs, just cruising along and living a comfortable life but somewhere along the way we lost the passion.  We went into the friend zone and couldn’t find our way back.  We stayed together for the kids as most people do but after 5 years of trying we realised that life is too short to live without passion and sex.  I had started wondering what it would be like to find that sexual fire again and my eye was wandering.  I didn’t want to be that woman who had an affair and broke up a marriage because there was someone else. My parents had both had affairs when I was growing up and I knew the pain that this can cause children and partners so I told my husband I was done and it was heartbreaking but also a huge weight off my shoulders.  I was sick of living a lie and wanted to move on with my life.

Now 18 months later I am living my own life how I want to live it.  I have settled into being a single mum well and my ex-husband and I are happy living separately.  We have managed to keep things civil between us and we are the envy of a lot of our separated friends who have not managed to keep things so amicable.  Generally I am a lucky lady.

But now, I have entered the dating scene in my 40s and I have had some pretty bizarre experiences with men.  This blog is about those experiences and how I have managed to handle them.  There will be laughter and some tears but hopefully more laughter and I will not be holding back.  Of course I will keep it all anonymous to protect the innocent and I hope that you can relate and laugh with me along the way.  No judgement here ever…..

The Open Marriage Man – 1

To me, the concept of an open marriage is completely foreign.  I feel like if you want to sleep with someone that is not your spouse then what is the point of being married?

The first man that I fell into bed with after my marriage ended was married.  I had never intended to sleep with him and it took me completely by surprise.  We were acquaintances through a mutual hobby and had hung out in a group with people a few times but I had never thought of him in any way other than just a friend.  One day he sent me a message  via Facebook messenger asking me if I felt like hanging out with him one day by ourselves?  I remember thinking that it was a little odd as I hadn’t made my marriage separation public knowledge yet so as far as he was concerned I was happily married.  We ended up chatting for hours that day via messenger and I really enjoyed his sense of humour. He told me that he was happily married and that he and his wife had an agreement, it was an open marriage.  I had never met anyone before in an open marriage and it fascinated me.  I wanted to know how it all worked and what the rules were.  I just could not fathom letting my husband sleep with other women if our marriage was doing ok and we were both happy.

After that initial conversation we started chatting on a regular basis and I started looking forward to hearing from him.  It was a welcome distraction from my marriage separation and I found him to be charming and sexy even though we were not seeing each other in person.  (The power of the written word can be hugely seductive.)  He convinced me that chatting via Snapchat was better than messenger as this way nothing can be traced back so we crossed over to Snap and were chatting constantly all day and every day.  Finally after a few weeks we made plans to see each other in person and I was extremely nervous but also super excited.  It was the first man I had thought of being with for 18 years other than my husband and I had no idea what to expect.  I had switched off my passion vibe in my marriage and had turned myself into a person who didn’t like or want sex so to be feeling these feelings again was massive for me.  I looked forward to the meeting with nervousness and excitement.

The first time we hung out together was awkward and a little weird.  I just didn’t know what to expect and I hadn’t been with another man for 18 years so I was like an inexperienced teenager.  We had coffee and chatted and then went to his car and he reached over and grabbed me and started passionately kissing me. When was the last time you have made out in a car? Like seriously had a big pashing session?   For me it was surreal as I was scared of people seeing us and I kept pulling away but he kept pulling me back and to be honest I did enjoy it because it had been so long that I had been kissed in that way.  It only lasted 10 minutes but it definitely got my juices flowing and my mind was racing.  What was I doing with a married man?  I felt guilty as I was still living with my ex-husband although we were sleeping in separate rooms and it was such a huge step for me.

After that morning things progressed quickly.  He was very charming and sexy and would write me erotic fiction making up stories about what it would be like when we eventually had sex.  I asked him many questions about the open marriage situation and I always felt slightly unnerved when he discussed his wife with me.  They had been together for 20 years and had 2 children the same ages as mine. He told me she suffered from depression and their marriage was up and down. They had nearly separated a few years before but she begged him to stay and his terms were that he needed to be able to quench his sexual thirst with other women.  She had agreed to this and apparently they were both happy with how things were going.  I always wondered though if she was really happy and questioned if she was sleeping with other men to?  He didn’t think so but she was happy with the way things were.  Apparently.

Eventually we did sleep together, in a motel not far from where I lived and it was amazing. His sexual appetite was huge and he adored every part of me.  I had forgotten how good sex could be and lapped up every moment of that day.  He told me after the 5th time of having sex in a few hours that he had help via a Pill.  Not Viagra but a natural version of that.  And honestly I didn’t care what he was taking, all I knew was I had been sexually satisfied for the first time in about 10 years and I was addicted.

After the 2nd motel visit and marathon session he announced that he had a girlfriend…and that they had been seeing each other for about 12 months and he hoped I was ok with that?  Um yea, no,  I was not ok with that.  I was barely managing with the fact that he was married and still having sex with his wife once a week but to surprise me with a girlfriend too, that was a definite deal breaker.  I would not say that I am a massively jealous person but when it comes to sharing my men I don’t do it.  I am not interested in having a threesome coz I don’t want to share my man with anyone so to hear he was having sex with 2 other women sent me slightly insane.   How much sex to you actually need dude???  I told him I was only just able to get over the wife thing but there was no way I was accepting a girlfriend.  So we broke up.  And I was devastated.  It had been about a month and I was well and truly hooked from the constant messaging and the few sex sessions we had had.  I was trying to keep my shit together as I was still living with my ex and kids but it broke me and I was a mess.  It only lasted a few days and he was back messaging me again, charming me and begging me to see him.  I put my foot down and said no, I couldn’t be the 3rd woman in his life. So he broke up with her.  I was shocked but also smugly happy.  I had immense jealousy of her but not really any for his wife and for some fucked up reason I was happy he was only sleeping with 2 of us now!

Over the next few months my life was crazy, our marital house sold and we moved apart and I was living by myself with the kids for the first time.  I look back now and realise that seeing the married man was probably not the smartest move at that point but it also helped me to be strong as I had someone to talk to and support me through the turmoil.  We were seeing each other at least once a week and had a motel that we went to where the owner knew us and gave us a good rate for the day.  He had told his wife about me and I was intrigued to know how she felt about him seeing someone regularly.  At the beginning he had told me they had “rules” and one of them was to not fall in love and another was he wasn’t allowed to stay overnight.  We had many arguments about not staying over and because I was now living by myself I wanted more from him which he couldn’t give me.  The cracks were starting to appear.

He also wanted to try different things in the bedroom and one of his fantasies was to dominate me and tie me up.  He was into S and M and he would send me images of women being tied up.  I had never let anyone do this to me before and I really wasn’t interested but he had a way of convincing me to do things and I finally gave in one day.  He had been to Bunnings and pulled out a length of rope in the motel room.  He blindfolded me and tied my wrists up behind my back.  He then had sex with me and to be completely honest it really did nothing for me.  I was bored and uncomfortable.  My wrists were hurting and all I could think was Hurry the FUCK up and cum dude.  I was not turned on by the S and M situation.  Looking back now I think this day made me see him in a different light and I lost a little bit of my obsession for him.  He on the other hand, thought that this was the beginning of a new chapter for us, a kinky chapter which he wanted to explore more and more.  He kept sending me photos of kinky sex positions and lots of S and M and it just didn’t turn me on at all.  I was starting to get bored with it all and the more I pulled away the more he chased me.

Then one night I went to a friend’s house who was having a party and met her brother who was up from Sydney on a holiday.  He was charming and was flirting with me but I didn’t think anything of it until I got home and received a Facebook friend request from him…

This was the start of a new chapter…the English Gentleman

 

The English Gentleman – 2

I woke up to a message on my Facebook after meeting the English Gentleman at a friends party the night before. “Hey where is a good place to go for coffee around here?” I answered back thinking it was slightly interesting as we had only chatted briefly the night before and I hadn’t got any kind of vibe he was interested. We had a mildly flirtatious chat and he told me me he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about me since we met and he thought I was gorgeous. I was quite shocked as I wasn’t used to guys being so forward after chatting for a short time and I have to admit I liked it.  He was 35 and lived in Sydney. I played the I’m too old for you card and he played the old, age is not an issue with me if you have a connection and he felt we definitely did. I was enjoying the convo and it was fun to have a different man paying me attention. My relationship with Mr Married Dude was beginning to get a bit strained and I knew it was only a matter of time before it would end.  I didn’t want to continue being the other woman and he was being a bit difficult and annoying with all the fantasy stuff.  (Insert roll eye emoji here.)  So here I was spending the day messaging the English dude, (lets call him Tom) and enjoying the attention from him whilst fobbing off the married dude and being distant which I’m sure was driving him mad as I had always been the one doing the chasing in the past.

I have come to realise over the past year that I enjoy chatting with guys online.  I love the way you can flirt and learn about each other without leaving the comfort of your own lounge and this is helpful being a single mum and not having much time to yourself.  It could also be said that I probably expect too much from guys when it comes to online chatting and I have definitely learnt that not every guy is capable of communicating the same way women can via messenger.  I am able to have ongoing conversations with girlfriends all day on messenger, or via snapchat or even just plain old texting and this makes me happy.  Mr married man was awesome at messaging.  He was all about messaging and I think this gave me the wrong impression that all guys were capable of doing this!  It really set me up to be disappointed with all my future hook ups after him.

Anyway Tom started off so well with messaging.  He went back to Sydney and continued to message me every day, really building up that sexual tension and leading me so far up the garden path I couldn’t stop thinking of him.  We were desperate to see each other in person so we hatched a plan for me to spend a weekend in Sydney with him and tell everyone I was visiting a friend down there.  He told me he would get a room at the Sheraton for us as his friend worked there and we would have an amazing time.  I booked my flights and we counted down the days.  In the meantime I decided that I had to break it off with married dude.  My heart just wasn’t in it anymore and I wanted to be with someone who was free to do what they wanted.  I just didn’t want to be the other woman anymore.  I deserved more and he agreed.  It was painful and sad as he had really been a huge part of my life during a tough time and he had made me realise that I had made the right decision when it came to finishing off my loveless marriage.  I was a sexual being and I needed to be with someone who I had a connection with in that way again.

So while I waited for the time to come for my trip to Sydney Tom and I would sext and indulge in late night snapchatting sessions.  Now this whole sexting, naked selfie and dick pic phenomena was never something I would imagine myself doing before I met Tom.  Married dude and I never did this as his wife was always home when he was home so that didn’t happen but with Tom it was a whole different story.  We would start with messaging and he would tell me what he would do to me when he saw me, describing explicitly every detail.  I of course, had to reciprocate and for the first few times I would laugh to myself as I wrote what I would do to him but it seemed to work well and we would then start with sending the nudes.  I tell you, its an absolute art making yourself look hot when your 45 and a bit saggy.  Countless times i would take a photo, look at it and then delete it, saying to myself, What the ACTUAL FUCK is that? You look ridiculous lady.  I would make sure my hair was done, and the lighting was flattering before I sent the photo and he would be typing HURRY UP!!!  I would always have a drink first to loosen up a bit and after awhile I started to get the hang of it.  We eventually started sending videos to each other and that my friends, takes a LOT of courage.  But I was absolutely besotted with him and would have done pretty much anything he asked and to be honest it was fun and we always managed to get off even being 800km’s away!

So finally the time came to fly to Sydney and I remember being so nervous I felt like vomiting the whole flight.  Luckily my girlfriend was picking me up and taking me to a pub near his place and we were having a drink together first before he came from work.  I may have accidentally skulled 2 drinks before he arrived which definitely helped calm the nerves.   And then he walked in and it was so weird.  We were like school kids meeting for the first time even though we had shared intimate moments online, being in person was different.  He quickly grabbed a drink and my friend stayed for a drink with us together to make sure we were ok and then she left and we were alone.  2 months had gone past since we had met and I had actually forgotten he was English and had a strong accent! He said lets go back to my place and take your bag and then we will grab some dinner.  By this stage I was quite tipsy and definitely needed food so we walked to his house which was down the road where he shared with 2 other English boys and we said hello and then went straight to his room and pretty much forgot about food!  The sexual build up for the past 2 months exploded and both being a bit tipsy we did not hold back.  It was crazy, loud and amazing sex and I remember thinking, have I time travelled back to my life 20 years ago when I actually lived in Sydney and had had many sexual experiences with boys in the same kinds of terrace houses.  The thought also did cross my mind, I wonder when we are going to the hotel?  Maybe it would be the next day and we were just staying at his place tonight?  Anyway I didn’t care at that point.  We eventually went and got dinner and I got more drunk and then back to his place again for more sex. Was a night to remember but for some reason its all a bit of blur to me now..something to do with the drinks maybe.

The next morning we both woke up with shocking hangovers and he was grumpy.  Not a morning person at all. He had also somehow gotten a cold over night and was sick as a dog with the Man Flu.  Kill me now people.  I didn’t dare mention the hotel as he was so grumpy and I eventually managed to get him off the lounge to take me to breakfast at 11am.  I was absolutely gagging for coffee by this stage and felt like I was a little bit of a annoyance rather than a guest who had flown down for the weekend.  After breakky we went back to his terrace and sat on the lounge with his 2 flatmates and watched the CRICKET until 2pm……guys, I fucking hate cricket.  And I hate thinking that I am going down to spend the weekend with a guy at the Sheraton and we end up in a shitty terrace house in Surry Hills for the weekend.  Finally he managed to pull himself off the lounge and we ventured down to a lovely restaurant near the water for lunch.  He was a little quiet and also seemed to be perving on a table of good looking younger girls the whole time we had lunch. Now I know I am not a model or absolute glamour but I do look after myself and had just had botox for the first time so I felt good but he made my self esteem dive in one short hour.  I was shitty so I got up to go to the toilet and tried to calm myself down.  When I went back out I told him I wanted to go and I started walking out of the restaurant.  We headed back  to his place and he went straight back to the lounge and turned the cricket back on. I went down to his room and text my friend straight away.  I was pissed off and felt like leaving.  I had paid money to come down and spend the weekend with him but he had made hardly any effort and was treating me like shit.  She convinced me to stay for the night and see if he improved and said that maybe he really did feel like shit with his Man Flu and to give him a chance to make up for it.  I then sat on the bed and messaged the Married dude just to have a chat and make myself feel better!  He had always told me how beautiful I was and had never made me feel not good enough so that definitely helped.

After 2 hours in his room I went upstairs to see what he was doing and he was still on the lounge watching cricket!  I was so pissed off he hadn’t even come down to see if I was ok? This weekend was not turning out how I expected it to at all.  I sat as far away from him as I could and just blankly watched the cricket until he seemed to realise I was not impressed and he then changed the channel to Downton Abbey….thank god I love that show.  At 9pm he suggested we get ready for dinner, I said ok give me 30 minutes.  I had brought down a dress I had never worn before, it was black and probably the sexiest dress I had ever worn. I got ready and walked out of the bathroom to the 3 of them sitting on the lounge, all of their faces were in shock.  I think that moment was the best of the weekend, just making him realise that he had a gorgeous sexy woman in his house and that he had been treating me like shit must have snapped something in his brain because he actually started making a little bit more of an effort from that moment.  We went to dinner and had a really nice night, we talked a lot and he told me about his past girlfriend who had left him for a friend of his and how much that had shattered him.  He asked me about my life and we seemed to reconnect which was good.  After dinner we went home to bed again and although it was good it wasn’t mind blowing which was disappointing.  I guess after 2 months of sexual build up and the drunken night before I expected it to only get better when we weren’t so drunk but I think the fact he was sick and we were both exhausted it just didn’t live up to my expectations.

The next day I rang my friend and got her to come and pick me up at lunch time as Tom had informed me he had to play cricket at 2pm that day even though my plane left at 4 (which I had told him way before I came down and he had said that wasn’t a problem.)  We spent the morning together watching TV (so romantic) and when she got there at 12pm I practically ran out of his house and into her arms!  Once the goodbyes were done and she drove away I burst into tears!  What an absolute let down.  I felt like he had completely lost interest in me after the first night and even though he was not 100% well he still didn’t really make an effort.  My heart was a little broken and after coffee and lunch with my girlfriend she dropped me to the airport and I sat in silence waiting for my plane contemplating what had happened.  Just before I boarded he sent me a text:  Thank you so much for coming to spend the weekend with me. It was everything and more than I had imagined.  I’m so sorry I wasn’t 100% well but I promise I will make it up to you next time. Safe journey xxxx

Who was that guy?  I was confused, that wasn’t the guy I just left?  Mmm this was my first taste of what was to come, a turbulent few months.

 

 

 

 

Roller Coaster City – 3

One of the most important things I have learnt over the past few months is that nothing is ever smooth sailing when it comes to being single in your 40s.  There are incredible highs and lots of lows and to get through the roller coaster you need to be tough and for most of us women, being emotionally tough is hard.  We are normally pretty in touch with our emotions and this means we feel every little bump along the way.

Over the next few months with Tom I was definitely riding a roller coaster of emotions.  After my Sydney weekend things changed and the intensity of our situation seemed to disappear overnight.  I was still upset about how he had not made much of an effort and he pulled back from texting a lot so that hurt but he still kept me hanging with little bits of attention, just enough for me not to give up.  I am not sure what I wanted to happen between us?  He was 36, lived in another state and wanted to get married and have kids so I was a little deluded to think anything more serious would happen but for some reason the old Treat them mean and keep them keen thing was working here. The more he pulled away the more I obsessed over him.  I would send myself crazy with the constant battle of trying not to text him first. The game playing was exhausting but it was only me playing the game.  I’m sure he didn’t give a shit about me up in QLD losing my mind over him!  Eventually I realised it was a losing battle and I told him I was done.  I sent him a long winded text telling him everything I had been feeling and of course he turned it all around to make me look stupid and didn’t try to make things better.  I was so upset so I messaged Mr Married dude and he came running to me.  Nothing like a little bit of make up sex to try and get over someone else!  And then that hook up gave Married dude hope that things would start up with us again…what the actual hell was I doing?  Talk about craving for attention.

A few weeks later I was out with my friends and had had one too many drinks and I ended up drunk texting Tom.  I told him I was missing him and that I wished things hadn’t stopped with us.  I didn’t hear back from him until the next morning when I woke up hungover and rolled over to see a message from him.  My heart started racing as I had no clue what he would say and I didn’t want to be let down with a lame response.  The message read, Don’t be sorry for texting me, I always love hearing from you and miss you too.  Hope you’re well? xx

Back on that god damn roller coaster again!  It started off with a few texts here and there and then he messaged to tell me he was coming up in a month and could we catch up at some stage?  From that moment the texting started up again on a regular basis, obviously he wanted to make sure that I was onside for when he came up and he was making a big effort.  Married Dude was trying hard to pick things up again with me but I was holding him off wanting to see how the weekend went with Tom before I made any decisions. I just wanted attention and it didn’t matter who it came from!  We were back to counting down the days for when Tom would arrive and were discussing when we would see other whilst he was here. The sexting started again and it got hot and heavy, especially since we both knew each other sexually now and had something to work with from our time together in Sydney.  He seemed very interested in anal sex and always mentioned it when we were sexting.  I told him I had never tried it and wasn’t really keen but he kept pestering me saying we would go slowly and I would love it..I told him I would reserve my judgement about it for when we were together in person but to even contemplate it was big for me.  That is how much I wanted to please him.  Absolutely retarded when I look back now.

Finally the weekend came and I was so excited. We had decided to meet on the Saturday night and I would pick him up on my way home from catching up with some friends at 7pm.  We would grab some takeaway and just hang at my place.  Tom’s parents didn’t know anything about me as he had not wanted to tell his mum he was sleeping with a 45 year old separated mum of 2. Apparently that would not go down well with his English mother who wanted him to be meeting his future wife and not fucking around anymore. He arrived on the Thursday and we were in constant contact, waiting with baited breath for Saturday night.  At 2pm on Saturday he messaged me telling me his plans had changed and that he was going to have dinner at his brothers house and could I pick him up at 8 instead of 7?  I said sure no problem and we both talked about how we couldn’t wait to see each other.  I left my friends place at 7.30 and text him to say I was leaving and I would see him soon.  He messaged back: Oh god, I’m running behind time, can we postpone a little? My heart dropped, I could feel something was going on.  I text back, sure is 9 ok?  He never text back.  I got home feeling sick, what the hell was going on?  I had a shower and got ready still hoping he would message back that 9 was ok.  9.30 rolled around, still silence.  10pm, nothing.  By 10.30 I was livid.  How dare he not even text back.  I sent him a text; Obviously we are not catching up? Would have been nice to be told rather than just standing me up!  11.15pm he text: I’m so sorry, we have just been told about a Divorce happening in the family and my mum is distraught.  I can’t leave her.  I’m sorry.

I had no clue what to text back so I just sent OK.  That was it.  My heart was broken.  Being stood up was horrible but to not even text back earlier was beyond nasty and I lay in bed hysterically crying for hours.  I knew I was done, I couldn’t get back on the roller coaster with him again.  The next morning I woke up feeling like I’d been punched in the face, he had messaged at 8am:  I’m so sorry for last night, we had a family issue which we needed to work out and mum was not in a good place so I couldn’t leave her, especially when she doesn’t even know about you.  I’m sorry xx.  I never text back.  I text Mr married dude to come down and spend the day with me in bed, he was there in an hour.  Fuck Tom

 

Getting over it – 4

Fuckboy –  A manipulating dick who does whatever it takes to benefit himself with no regard for your feelings.  He will lead girls on just for hook ups, says he’s really into you and be really nice but then treat you like shit with no explanation.

I had realised that Tom was a Fuckboy, a term I stumbled upon when following funny Instagram accounts that cheered me up when I was crying over the rejection.  I had felt extremely down for weeks over being stood up and I had read and re-read his messages from that weekend hundreds of times.  My friends and I had analysed and broken down the whole scenario over and over again and we just couldn’t figure out why he had stood me up or even just not messaged me back after that first initial text saying he was running behind.  I had said that unless it was actually his parents who were divorcing there was really no excuse for what he did to me and I knew I had to get the fuck over it and move on. I was constantly stalking him on Facebook and Instagram and it was doing my head in. Eventually I decided to unfriend him on both mediums to stop myself from stalking him and that in itself was a huge step.  I deleted the messages and slowly it began to hurt a little less.  Mr married dude was still messaging and wanting to hook up but I just felt I needed time to move on and heal and sort my life out.  I had been neglecting my own happiness and my life in general and wanted to have a break from the emotional roller coaster.

While all this was happening I had started a new job and wanted to concentrate on learning everything I could about that and it was a good time to have no one in my life.

The thing is, when you are not looking for anyone, they seem to fall in your lap without even trying and that is how I met Mr Health Nut……

 

Mr Health Nut – 5

In my new job I was working in a position where I was meeting a lot of men as it was a sports club and many of my friends had expressed their excitement that maybe I would meet a nice eligible bachelor there.  Unfortunately after a few weeks of working  I realised that most of the men were older and married which were the 2 things I was avoiding in men! I had done the married thing and was definitely not into older men so I stopped looking and concentrated on learning my job.

After a few months a shortish bald man approached my desk and inquired about joining the club.  He had a lovely smile and was very friendly and we had a nice rapport whilst we organised his membership.  I thought nothing of it though and forgot about it as soon as he left. The next day I had to email him some information about his membership and he emailed back in a slightly playful manner. I was a little surprised but emailed him back being the super friendly person that I am and he then suggested in his next email that all of the conversation we were having via email would be a lot easier via text and perhaps I should text him my mobile number as he didn’t have mine but I had his.  I thought a lot about doing this as I just wasn’t sure I wanted to get involved with anyone from work but after a few hours I ended up texting him to say hi.  What harm could it do?  Let’s call this guy Matt.  Matt was 49 but looked about 39, he was super fit and was a health coach.  He was a single dad with one child and he was very easy to chat to via text.  He didn’t drink alcohol or coffee and this should have been a warning sign to me straight up as I love both of those things but I decided that those things were minute and he seemed like he had his shit together so I decided to keep chatting with him via text.  A few days later he actually rang me!  Shock horror, someone actually called me to speak with our voices!  We had an hour long conversation and even though some of the things he said during that conversation seemed quite radical, he made me laugh a lot and we had a very entertaining conversation.  That day he asked me out for dinner and I didn’t hesitate.

The night rolled around for our date and I was nervous and excited. We had been talking constantly via text and on the phone and he seemed really nice and funny.  He took me to a South American restaurant and ordered for both of us, the whole time checking with the waitress how everything was cooked, what was in all the meals and generally being very bossy and fussy about the food.  I am so not this type of person so I found it quite embarrassing listening to him grill the waitress for 10 minutes.  When our food came out he picked it apart and told me what I should avoid and what was ok to eat.  Um yea, dude I’m 46 years old, I don’t need you to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be eating…

After dinner, which was only just bearable he suggested we walk back to his place and listen to some music and chill out.  I knew this was code for lets have sex and to be honest even though he was kind of strange and his whole dinner behavior had turned me off, I wanted sex and he was still a bit of a mystery to me so I was up for the challenge.  Once back at his place he put some music on and it was that sort of background music from Africa that you hear in alternate therapy clinics, so not really getting me into a sexy mood at all. He chatted for ages and it all became quite boring very quickly.  He talked about himself and his son and didn’t bother asking me one thing about myself the whole time. After awhile I was so sick of listening to him that I ended up just jumping on him and kissing him to shut him up.

Our kissing was passionate and eventually he picked me up in a very manly fashion and carried me to his room and threw me onto the bed. He was excellent at foreplay, more than amazing, and he had a good body but was quite hairy which is not something I’m into but I managed to get over it due to the amazing foreplay situation going on.  Before I knew it we were having sex and it shocked me that he didn’t even ask whether we were going to use condoms, not even a quick discussion before he stuck it in!  This to me was incredibly rude as I believe I should have the option if I want to use condoms and even though on most occasions in the heat of the moment I say don’t worry, ( I know, I know! I’m very bad)  I wanted to have that choice.  And then, the actual sex part was over, like in all of about 5 minutes.  Wow, that was quick I thought to myself, thank god he had made me cum whilst he was going down on me otherwise the whole experience would have been very ordinary!  We lay together for a few moments and he then said I’m going to have a shower.  OK, that’s odd I thought, it was the middle of Winter and he had hardly worked up a sweat, can’t we lay and have a nice moment before you run off to the shower?  Anyway he got back from the shower and I had gotten up and gotten dressed and he said “oh you’re not staying over?”  I said sorry I have to get home to my dogs, they fret without me at night.  And to be honest I just wanted to get out of there, the whole night had been strange and I knew I wasn’t interested in seeing him again.

As I drove home I replayed the night over in my head and laughed to myself how rude he had been and how he was not my type at all and really why did I even bother having sex with him?  It all plays down to feeling wanted by someone, to getting that affection that I always craved and moving on from Tom.

I didn’t bother contacting Matt again but he must have thought the date went well because he continued to ring and text me and I didn’t have anything else going on so I played along with him and even went over to his house a couple more times just for the fairly average sex but super awesome foreplay. Each time I would see him I would leave his house wondering why the actual fuck did I bother because I really didn’t even like him so it was  a waste of time but as always I was craving affection.

After a few weeks of casually hooking up once a week on my day off, I was at his house and we were having the awkward conversation we had before we had sex which was all about himself and never about me and somehow the conversation got around to vaccinating children as I had to get my daughter the Gardasil vaccination which she had missed at school.  Now I’m not an antivaxer and I’m also not 100% sure of all the details of vaccinations but I don’t like to be told what to do with my kids from a guy I’m sleeping with whom I’ve known for all of 5 minutes but Matt decided it was his job to tell me that I was a complete moron if I got my kids vaccinated and that I was basically killing my daughter by getting her this vaccination.  The conversation made me really uncomfortable and I felt like going but I knew this was going to be the last time I saw Matt so I slept with him so I could get that one last super awesome foreplay situation and then I packed up and left never to return!

A few days later Matt rang me to tell me he really didn’t think we should see each other again as we were both just so different and it was never going to work.  I took this opportunity to tell Matt that I totally agreed with him and the fact that he had never actually gotten to know me or ask me anything about myself the whole time we had hung out may have something to do with the reason that he didn’t have a girlfriend. Perhaps if he made an effort to stop talking about himself for hours on end and to actually show an interest in the girl he is dating and not lecture her about what to eat and what to do in regards to her life may help him in future dating scenarios….

And that was the end of that my friends…..

Mr Tongue – 6

After my experience with Matt, I really wasn’t interested in dating or even sleeping with anyone for awhile so I plodded along happily in my new job, focusing on my work and I also started looking for a place to buy of my own.  Being a single mum with an ex-husband who worked a lot kept me super busy and I was still learning how to juggle it all and find time to myself.

On Thursdays I worked in the bar and I had my regular customers who came to the club every Thursday who I had fun with and got to know more each week.  I have always had a good rapport with older men and loved flirting with them and having a laugh in a more casual environment than the other part of my job.  There was one particular group of guys who were always super friendly and cheeky to me and a couple of those guys in the group were more my age rather than being in their 70s.  There was one guy whom I enjoyed chatting to who was kinda cute and funny and was always extremely polite and friendly.  He made an effort to ask me about my life and we seemed to get along nicely.  I asked the staff about him and they told me he had an attractive girlfriend so I never really thought of him as more than a friend.

One Thursday he came up to the bar and said “Oh my god! I’ve had the craziest morning! My ex-girlfriend has finally moved out and its just been hell for the past few weeks”.  I said Oh wow, that sounds full on, hope everything is ok?  He said “yes, I’m just relieved its all over now and I can finally ask you out!” I was a little taken aback as I never expected him to say that and be so up front about asking me out so I just giggled and said ok well that sounds interesting and walked away! 2 minutes later I received a friend request from him on Facebook and then the messaging started…down another bloody rabbit hole I went!

So lets call this man Troy. Troy was funny and not shy.  He spent the afternoon messaging about how much he had the hots for me and how he had been perving on me for months. He was 46, divorced for a year and had been living with a girl from Hungary for 6 months.  She had turned out to be rather crazy and he admitted that her moving in was a huge mistake so soon after getting a divorce but it was a Visa issue, or something along those lines.  He didn’t have children but had step children from his marriage whom he didn’t keep in touch with as it was an ugly divorce.  Troy was charming the pants off me with his honesty and humour and it had only been one afternoon!  He continued on with the messaging for a few days and we got to know each other pretty well in those days.  I was enjoying the flirting and the attention and was a little bit excited about this new prospect.  I stupidly didn’t even think of the whole rebound thing and just got caught up in the attention as I seem to do.

The first time I saw Troy in person outside of work, he invited me over to his house for drinks.  He was renting a nice place not far from me and as soon as I walked in I got bowled over by the most beautiful dog who I fell in love with instantly and who fell in love with me too.  We sat outside on his balcony and had drinks and chatted and it was lovely.  Troy’s hand was on my leg , (with the dogs head on my other leg) and he smelt divine and I could feel the sexual energy just bursting from both of us.  He told me that he had an obsession that he was very talented at and that I would love it.  I enquired about what this was and he told me I would find out very soon!  Within an hour we were in his bed and it was there that I discovered his obsession.  He loved going down on women, endlessly, he couldn’t get enough of it and he was damn good at it too!  He was probably the most talented licker I had ever come across and that first night of sex was incredible.  He was funny and charming and he certainly knew what to say and do to me to keep me wanting more. After a few hours of sex and chatting I had to go and I left his house in a daze, I had been seduced perfectly. The dog, the relaxed atmosphere and his friendly and warm personality had charmed the pants off me.

After that night we kept messaging and sexting randomly here and there and I was enjoying getting to know him, I really thought that we could have had something pretty cool going on.  I suggested going to dinner one night and he told me that he was so tired all the time from getting up so early for his work that he preferred to stay home when he had nights off.  I thought it was a bit strange he didn’t want to go out for a nice night but gave him the benefit of the doubt (alarm bells should have been going off).  The next time we hung out was a week later on my day off at his place.  He invited me over for lunch but it was really just a sex session and yes it was good but I started to realise that his obsession for going down on me outweighed his obsession for actually fucking me and after awhile it does get a little bit too much and you just want the penis in you! I decided not to say anything as it was such early stages and I didn’t want to jeopardise anything so early in the piece as I really did like him and wanted to see if it would go anywhere.  My mistake had already been made though by agreeing to go to his place that 2nd time and not getting him to take me out on a proper date and I had stupidly fallen into the casual sex zone with him without even realising.

After the 2nd hook up he pulled back on the messaging, it always happens when guys feel that the girl is getting a little bit too keen and they feel the need to pull back and control the situation.  I decided to play his game and stopped messaging him altogether, I had been in this situation before and could tell he only wanted something casual.  Not going to lie, it hurt me and I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me? Why could I not find a guy who actually wanted to be with me in an actual relationship?  The other thing that baffled me is that I had never pursued any of these men, they had always started things off with me and taken me down a path I wasn’t even thinking of! Damn annoying to be led on and then stop you in your tracks before anything even starts.

So the games continued with Troy and he would not message for days then he would randomly send me a “Morning Gorgeous, what are you up to today? Feel like hanging out?”  I would stupidly run over and sleep with him thinking OK maybe this time he will wanna hang out with me in an actual public place rather than just in bed, but it never happened.  And to make matters worse the sex part wasn’t even that good anymore, he was just way too obsessed with cunnilingus and not the actual fucking part and the licking part was great but yep, as I said previously sometimes you just need a bit of dick rather than tongue! I remember complaining to my friends that he just wasn’t fucking me hard enough and half way through sex he would stop and start going down on me again!  It was at times quite chaotic and annoying and I wondered if I would ever be happy with that kind of sex?  Anyway I didn’t need to worry for too long as Troy was keeping me at a distance and only wanted to see me when it suited him and I quickly became bored with it. Sometimes casual sex can be fun when you don’t want any connection or commitment but I think most women want more than just a fuck, we need to feel a connection deeper than sex to really enjoy our time together and after a 2 months of weekly hook ups I was done with Troy.  I told him not to message me anymore and at first he thought I wasn’t serious and he would still message me asking for sex randomly but I resisted.  After a few weeks I noticed he had changed his profile photo on Facebook to himself and a girl and I knew he had been playing me all along.   He still had the nerve to message me and ask for a threesome with a friend of his who apparently wanted to try it, I laughed and said Dude, if I wanted to have a threesome with someone it would definitely not be with you!  I think he got the hint especially after I blocked him on Facebook and Instagram, always a good way to tell guys you are not interested anymore! I still see him at work on Thursdays but I have gotten to the stage of “What the hell was I thinking with this guy?” Love it when that happens…NEXT!!

How young is too young? – 7

So here I was not able to hold down any kind of relationship and wondering if there was something wrong with me.  My ego had taken a few bruisings over the past year and I was so sick of men being fuck-boys to me.  It was coming up to Christmas and I was dying for 2016 to end.  It had been such a roller coaster of a year, so many changes in my life and so many men who had been idiots.  I really wanted a clean and fresh start for 2017.

My boss had given me the task of organising the work Christmas party and I organised a dinner out for everyone which was the first time they had done something like that and it was something to look forward to. On the night I made sure I looked nice and really dressed up as it was the first time I had been out in public out of my uniform with all of the staff, some of which I didn’t know very well.

The night was a lot of fun and we all consumed copious amounts of cocktails, I ended up sitting at the end of the table with the younger staff and we all were getting extremely drunk. One of the younger boys (lets call him Josh) was being extremely amorous to me and insisted on sitting next to me, putting his hand on my leg.  I thought it was cute but also thought nothing of it as we were all drunk and he was super young.  As the night wore on we decided to go somewhere different and continue drinking in a very crowded bar. As were walking there Josh kept grabbing my butt and grabbing my hand, I realised that he was getting a little too touchy, feely but by this stage I didn’t really care. I was having fun and enjoying the attention.

Once we arrived at the new bar we lost most of the other staff members and Josh decided it was time for him to pounce.  I said: I’m not sure how old you are but you do realise I’m old enough to be your mother?  He said he didn’t care and he thought I was hot and wanted to take me home and get naked!  I laughed and said Dude that is never going to happen…..approximately 30 minutes later Josh and I were in a taxi making out heading to my place!  The thing was I had also started my periods that day and I am a heavy bleeder for the first few days, I told Josh we wouldn’t be having sex for that reason and he said That’s OK I just wanna go home and cuddle..

Once we got home things got crazy, Josh was like a lion wanting to show me his prowess in the bedroom, he had told me he was 22 and to be honest by that time I really didn’t care. He picked me up and threw me onto the bed and proceeded to have sex with me pretty much for the entire night!  He was like an insatiable maniac and I was like a little rag doll.  He didn’t give a shit about my periods and was the most sweetest boy I had ever met (for that night anyway).  He didn’t just fuck me, he actually was extremely good at making love and it was pretty incredible.  I was shocked and impressed, this kid new his stuff.  He was chatty and funny and I forgot about the age difference.

In the morning we looked at the damage on my white sheets and laughed our heads off, it was like a murder had taken place. Sounds disgusting but we didn’t even care, he then fucked me again, had a shower and called an Uber as he had to go to work in an hour!

Wow, probably the most memorable Christmas party I had ever been to!

At work the following weeks we flirted with each other when no one was around and organised another catch up at my place one afternoon.  The thing is when you are 100% sober things can go a little differently and people can be the complete opposite to when they are drunk.  I found this out pretty quickly when Josh arrived as he was super nervous and I could tell he was trying to impress me by being obnoxious and smart.  Sitting on the lounge trying to make conversation with a nervous 22 year old can be challenging and for a moment I thought, What the fuck am I doing here?  I wondered how I could get rid of him without sex and I knew that was going to be impossible so I just kissed him to shut him up and dragged him upstairs hoping to get it over and done with quickly.  Thankfully he was still good in bed sober and we had a fun little afternoon session but after it was over I think we both knew it was never going to happen again and we said goodbye quickly with a little hug.

My young boy phase was done and dusted..well so I thought.